The Legal Requirements Of Marriage

What constitutes a marriage? Back in the 1960's when the moral revolution began, it became popular to say that marriage was only a piece of paper, an unnecessary legal formality. It was believed and propagated by many that all that was necessary for two people to live together in the same house and be sexually intimate with each other was simply that they agreed to do so for however short or long a period of time they desired. When the couple no longer desired to stay together, they simply broke up. The "benefits" of this belief included not having the expenses of a formal wedding and, should the relationship ever fail, there would be no legal strings binding the couple together. Having been the father of the bride in one wedding, I can appreciate the first benefit, but as a communicator of God's Word, I can not approve of either.

While the Bible nowhere instructs us as to the requirements of God concerning the process of bringing two people together in a marriage relationship, it nonetheless requires that there be some sort of formal ceremony or declaration of the intent of the two to live as one. This declaration or ceremony then becomes a legal, binding commitment to one another. It is this formal commitment that is an aid and incentive to maintaining the relationship and benefiting from it. It is the process of satisfying the legal requirements that causes the two to stop and think about what they are doing and the serious consideration of whether they truly want to spend the rest of their lifetime with someone else in a covenant relationship.

In searching the Bible for instruction concerning the marriage ceremony, we must remember that beginning with the Book of Exodus, all marriage ceremonies are set in the culture of the Hebrews or the foreign nations relating to Israel. The Hebrews had a cultural tradition that was their own. The New Testament Church does not have a definite culture of its own. Since we are a conglomeration of peoples, baptized into one body, it is impossible that the Church could have its own cultural identity. Christian marriages conducted in the United States will differ from those conducted in Asia or Africa. While the details of the ceremony may differ from place to place or culture to culture, I believe there are some supra-cultural essentials that should be present in order to make a marriage, one which truly glorifies God.

In Scripture, before a man and a woman were truly united in marriage as we view it today, they were betrothed to each other. The closest parallel we have today in western society is the engagement period. The time of the betrothal though, differs from the engagement. To betroth a wife, a man went to the woman's father and signed a legal document, a covenant, which stated his intent to make her his wife. Once the covenant was signed, the man and the woman were considered husband and wife, although they would not yet live in the same house or enjoy marital intimacy. Generally, the suitor would pay the father of the bride a sum of money for his bride, or in Jacob's case, agree to work for the father-in-law for a period of time. When the marriage covenant had been signed, the groom would usually return to his father's home and there, build a house for him and his new bride. After about a year's time had elapsed, the groom would return to receive his bride to himself and take her away to their home. Friends and family would be invited to a wedding feast which lasted, depending upon the wealth of the family, for a day or weeks.

This year of "delay" between the time of the betrothal and the consummation of the marriage was a useful period of time. Obviously the house took some time to build, but when the marriage would be consummated, the home would be finished and prepared for them. Too many today, rush into marriage who are unprepared for it, especially financially. Many, who having lived at home for all their lives, do not comprehend the expenses of living independently and are unprepared financially to live with a husband or a wife. Financial problems are one of the greatest contributors to the breakdown of the modern marriage.

The time between the betrothal and the consummation also afforded a significant time to test the quality of a person's commitment to another. Fidelity to one's betrothed, or better, the lack of it, would easily be evidenced in this time by whether the woman became with child or another became with child by the man. This was the problem Joseph thought he had with Mary before he knew the working of God in the matter. But not only would this time test commitment, but it would also provide time to develop disciplines to overcome temptations that would destroy fidelity once the marriage had been consummated.

Today, many argue that premarital intimacy is necessary because they want to know if their future mate will satisfy them sexually before becoming committed to them in marriage. This is absolutely backwards of what it should be. A couple who truly love each other will learn how to satisfy each other sexually in the marriage relationship. But the couples who become sexually active prior to marriage, reveal that they can not control their sexual passions and there is no reason to believe that they will, once the marriage has taken place. If they can not withhold themselves sexually from one that they love and have committed themselves to, then how will they withhold themslelves from someone else who they don't love?

In the New Testament, there is a wonderful parallel between the Hebrew custom of marriage and the relationship of Jesus Christ to His bride, the Church. On Calvary's cross He bought us. The price of our redemption was paid with His blood and we became His. In John 14, He told His disciples that He was returning to His Father's house and there He would prepare a place for us, and just as the groom would return for his bride, so Jesus will return one day for us, that where He is, there we may be also. In the meantime, the Apostle Paul writes in 2 Corinthians that he had espoused the Corinthians to Christ (which is true of every Christian) that he might present them as a chaste virgin to Christ. This is the time when the true church demonstrates its fidelity of faith to Him. Then, when Jesus returns in the rapture, we will enjoy the marriage feast with Him as presented in Revelation 19. Finally, through all eternity, we will enjoy the most intimate of relationships with Him.

The greatest difference between the marriage custom of today and that of the Hebrew culture in Scripture is the marriage ceremony itself. In the Bible, the legal and formal uniting of the couple was accomplished at the beginning of the betrothal period. Today, that is accomplished at the end of the engagement period. Engagements can be broken simply by the will of either party without legal complication. In the Old Testament times, the betrothal could only be ended by a legal divorce. Regardless of the time of its occurrence, both the betrothal customs and the modern customs include a formal ceremony where the two are legally brought together as one.

We now ask if it is absolutely necessary to have a wedding ceremony, and if so, what constitutes a "proper" ceremony? To answer the first part of that question, it may be best to illustrate the answer with a metaphor. The marriage ceremony is to the relationship between husband and wife what water baptism is to the relationship of Savior and saint. Unfortunately today, we have lost a lot of the significance of baptism that it held in the early New Testament times. Back in the first century A.D. when a person came to faith in Jesus Christ, they were almost immediately baptized. Acts 16 and the Philippian jailor is a good example of this. The jailor, in the same hour he believed, was baptized. But baptism then was not simply a ordinary ceremony. When a person trusted Christ and made a public declaration of it by baptism, they literally put their life on the line. Being publically identified with Christ could mean the loss of everything and when the persecution of Christians later began in earnest, this included one's very life. In order to submit to baptism, someone had to be totally "sold out" to Christ. Baptism did not create that level of commitment, it only expressed it to the world.

In the same way the marriage ceremony does not create the commitment of marriage, but it expresses it to the world. The benefits of this expression are two-fold. First, it provides assurance to the one you intend to marry, that you really mean business. It is easy to say "I love you" to someone privately. It is much more difficult to do the same publically. Before witnesses, a person confesses their love for another which provides a greater assurance to the other of the veracity of their declaration. Secondly, it provides a statement "possession" to the world. In effect, each is saying, "Hands off, this one is mine!" "I am jealous with a righteous jealousy over this one and will defend our relationship with all my power." To a certain extent, the marriage ceremony acts as a deterrent to the temptation of others seeking to invade the marital intimacy.

To the second question we now turn our attention- what constitutes a "real" marriage ceremony. Scripture is silent as to the necessary details to be found in the ceremony, but it does at least imply some necessary expressions. Since the ceremony is a recognition of the will of God bringing two individuals together, there should be some declaration of the bride and the groom's acceptance and obedience to the recognized will of God. This is usually accomplished in the exchange of vows. Likewise, since there is to be a formal uniting into a "one flesh" relationship, there should also be some declaration of a promise of fidelity and continuance of love for a lifetime. This also, is usually stated in the exchange of vows. It is at this point that I believe all that is "necessary" for a "real" wedding ceremony has taken place and the couple is righteously married in the eyes of God. That is not to say that nothing else can be added to the ceremony. It must be remembered that a marriage ceremony between two Christians is a service of worship. It is quite fitting that music, prayer, and preaching accompany the exchange of vows.

It seems fitting and most appropriate that a marriage ceremony between two Christians be conducted in a church building among the people of God. However, that is not the only place a marriage ceremony can take place and be recognized by God. Garden ceremonies, or those in a large public auditorium, ceremonies officiated by a ship's captain or by a justice of the peace, or even the wedding chapels in Las Vegas are all acceptable when the elements of the previous paragraph are included in the ceremony and the legalities of the state have been met.

Meeting the requirements of the state, though, is also a necessary element in the components of a righteous marriage ceremony. Romans 13 tells us that we are to be subject to every law of the government, providing that it does not contradict the law of God. At this time, I know of no law, anywhere, that forces a Christian to do anything ungodly in marrying another.

I have heard of occasions where the law of the land was unknowingly violated. For example, in eastern Ohio, a couple obtained a marriage license and hired a sternwheeler boat so that they could be married on the Ohio River. Unfortunately for them, the boundary line between West Virginia and Ohio was crossed as they traveled out onto the river and their marriage license became invalid. While their hearts intent may have been pure, they nonetheless violated the law and were not legally married.

Most, if not all, states also allow what is known as "common law" marriages. These are marriage relationships that are formed without a formal wedding ceremony. While the laws vary from state to state, generally there must be a stated intention for the couple to live together as man and wife and they must actually do so. As long as the law of the land is obeyed, I find no reason why a Christian couple can not be married by a common law marriage. However, I strongly advise against it for a number of reasons. First, and most importantly, the wedding ceremony gives the couple a wonderful opportunity to publically express the glories of God in the perfections of His will and His providence in bringing them together. This is a great opportunity to evangelize the lost. This opportunity is lost in the common law marriage. Secondly, common law marriages can create suspicion in the minds of people, both saved and unsaved alike, as to the genuineness of the couples relationship to Christ and their desire to be obedient to Him. While the suspicions may be unfounded, why would a Christian want to create them? Should a Christian opt for a common law marriage, they should be careful to meet the legal requirements of the state and treat the marriage with the same importance as a marriage that is enjoined by a formal ceremony.

The preceding are what I would label as "legal" marriages for Christians. There are also what I would label as "illegal" marriages for Christians. Under this heading are polygamous marriage relationships. The word polygamy is formed from two Greek words: polus meaning "many" and gamos meaning "marriage" Polygamy then is simply many marriages. Polygamous relationships violate the will of God for every believer. Two passages of Scripture state this quite clearly. The first is Genesis 2:24 which states that, "For this cause, shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh." We first note that there is but one man who is to leave his parents. Secondly, he is to cleave to his wife, not wives. Finally, we see that the two of them, not any other number, become one flesh. The same thought is expressed in 1 Corinthians 7:2 where Paul writes, "...let every man have his own wife and every woman have her own husband." Once again there is a one man, one woman relationship.

It is important to note that polygamy was introduced to society by Lamech, the son of Methsusael, of the ungodly line of Cain. To understand this significance, we must understand that after the murder of Abel, Cain's brother, Cain went out from the presence of the Lord (Genesis 4:16). That expression indicates that all that Cain would do, as well as his heritage, would be done without regard for the will of God. The motivation of all activity for these people was simply to please self.

Some may question the validity of these statements by citing that there were numerous polygamous relationships by godly people in the Old Testament. In in many of these relationships, the blessing of God rested upon man. While it is true that some of the heroes of the faith were polygamists, and that the blessing of God did rest upon some of their activities, it is also true that there were many marital and familial problems with these men. Rachel and Leah always fought for the attention of Jacob, and the sons of David strove amongst themsleves, even killing one another. There is not one instance in Scripture where a polygamous marriage relationship resulted in a harmonious family relationship, despite all the blessings of God. One can only ask how much more of the blessings of God would these men have enjoyed had they been faithful to the one man one woman principle of God's will for marriage.

This brings me to a second possible "illegal" marriage relationship. Some claim that when a marriage is dissolved by divorce and remarriage has taken place, the person who has done such has committed "serial polygamy". Serial polygamy is many marriages, but only one at a time. Those who contend that divorce is not an option for the Christian would argue that if remarriage takes place after a divorce, then the man or the woman would be married to more than one spouse in the eyes of God. If divorce is an option for the Christian, then there is no polygamous relationship if the person remarries. Two questions must then be answered: Is there an option for divorce in the Christian marriage relationship? and, Is there an option for remarriage after divorce for the Christian? To answer these two questions, is the intent of the rest of this book.