The Evaluation Of God
Before looking at all the biblical texts directly related to the subject of divorce and remarriage, it is necessary to begin with a study on that which precedes divorce- namely, marriage. Let's face it, without marriage there can be no divorce. I have heard people say that in order to avoid the sin of divorce, they opted not to get married. There are at least two problems to this philosophy of living. First, while they opted not to marry, they did not opt to refrain from marital relationships with others. They simply traded one sin for another. But secondly, they revealed a pessimism about the ability of God to allow them the opportunity for a successful and fulfilling marriage that would last.If marriage is but a social institution, invented by man for his own benefit and purposes, then man can regulate or refuse to regulate the exercise of it. However, if marriage is the creation of God, then only God has that ability.
Without question, the Bible attests the source of marriage as being of God. As long as there has been more than one person living on this earth, marriage has been existent, and as long as more than one remains, so the institution will remain. A look back at the second chapter of Genesis reveals not only the creative process of Adam and Eve, but the institution of marriage and the foundational regulations and purposes of it. We begin with verse 18. At this point, all the animal and vegetable realms have been created and pronounced good by God. Now, Adam has been formed out of the dust of the ground and God has a different declaration. For the first time He says, "It is not good..." While there were no moral deficiencies to be found in Adam at this point, there was nonetheless a creational deficiency: he was alone. It is important to note that it was the evaluation of God that it was not good for man to be alone. Often times, especially when marital difficulties arise, man believes that it would be better to be alone, at least for a while. But that idea is not of God, but of Satan, in the same sense that the forbidden fruit was said, by him, to be beneficial to man. And just as Eve fell into trouble when she listened to him, so does everyone else who gives ears to his lies.
Having made that statement, we are already confronted with a biblical difficulty. The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:26, "I suppose therefore that it is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be." In context he is referring to singleness. Here he is saying that in certain circumstances it is good for a man or woman to be single. Do Paul's words contradict the record of Moses and God's declaration in Genesis 2? If you hold a proper view of the inspiration of Scripture, you will begin with a presupposition that the two can not conflict with each other. How then do we reconcile the apparent contradiction? The key to the issue is the words of Paul, "for the present distress". Paul is not saying that marriage is not necessary or beneficial, but the circumstances of his day might be a just cause for postponing marriage for a time, that during the present distress, it might be more advantageous in fulfilling God's will as a single person. When the distress had passed, then there would be no advantage at all to remaining single. Later we will look at the circumstance that might postpone marriage, but at this point let me say that there are times when the right two have found each other, but the time of their coming together in marriage is yet future. What God did to alleviate the singleness of Adam indicates to us the reasons why God said that it was not good that he should be alone.
God purposed to make a "help meet for him". Many today have combined the words help and meet to form one word, "helpmeet" or "helpmate". While this one word is not necessarily wrong, it is important that we understand the meaning of the two words as used in Scripture. First we see that man needed a help or better a helper. The word used in the Hebrew does not translate as "slave", "doormat", or "nag". The word simply means a helper. The second word used here is that the helper was meet to Adam. That is, the helper was fitting, appropriate or suitable to him. The idea is that this helper would be the perfect complement to that which was lacking in Adam. This indicates that the reason it was not good that man should live alone was that something was missing in Adam that only God could supply for him. In that God made a woman, we see that man could not be made complete with another man. Here we have a fundamental reason for rejecting the validity of same-sex marriages. How could Eve complement Adam? What is it that she possessed and Adam lacked? Before answering these questions, it is best to detail what similarities existed between them.
Genesis 1:26 indicates a couple of areas where Adam and Eve were identical. First, both were created in the image and likeness of God. Without going into great detail, we can define the image and likeness of God to mean those attributes that define personality. That is, as God was able to think, so man was created with the ability to reason; as God is able to express emotions, so man can emote; and as God exercises His will, so man was created as an independent moral agent, able to choose to do right or wrong. Adam and Eve did not differ at all in this regard. Not only was man created with a personal likeness to God, but there was also a moral likeness. In all the moral attributes that define God (His justice, love, mercy, holiness, etc.) man and woman bore a likeness equally. The woman was not more loving than the man, nor the man more holy than the woman. Adam and Eve were identical in this regard. We also note that they were to share in the administration of the world. God said, "Let them have dominion..." We are not told how the duties of this administration were to be divided, but it does seem reasonable that there was a division of responsibilities so as not to unnecessarily duplicate efforts. What existed within the Trinity (God in three persons, co-equal in power and glory) existed in the relationship of Adam and Eve who were created in God's image. While there was a significant likeness between Adam and Eve, there were also some fundamental differences. And it is in these differences that we see how Eve complemented Adam and vice versa.
The obvious difference would be that of anatomy. Adam, by himself, was incapable of reproducing and filling the earth, and thus accomplishing the will of God. I believe that there were other complementary differences between the two genders. In 1 Peter 3:7, Peter writes that husbands are to give honor to the wife as unto a weaker vessel. Weakness here, does not necessitate inferiority. A fine porcelain vase from the Ming dynasty is much weaker in strength that a 2"X4" piece of wood, and is unsuitable for housing construction, but is far more valuable than any piece of wood. This indicates that there exists a difference which is God-created between the personalities that generally describe men and women. It has often been said that men and women don't think alike. This is true! But that does not mean that one thinks better or worse than the other, simply that each gender thinks differently. This difference is humorously illustrated by the following fictitious story of how two women and two men discussed getting their hair cut.
Woman's Version
Woman #1: Oh, you got your hair cut. That's so cute!
Woman #2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she handed me the mirror. I mean, you think it's too fluffy?
Woman #1: Oh no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff, I think.
Woman #2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts- that would look so cute, I think. I was actually going to do that, except I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman #1:Oh, that's funny! I would love to have your neck. Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman #2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have \tab \tab \tab your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, at my arms-- see how short they are? If I had your shoulders, I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Men's Version
Man #1: Haircut?
Man #2: Yeah.
Without question, sin has distorted and corrupted the difference in the thinking processes, but I believe this difference existed before sin entered into the world and this difference was designed by God to be to the benefit of His creation. Likewise, there is a difference between the emotions of a man and a woman. Generally speaking, women are more expressive of their emotions than men are. While some of the differences may be learned from culture and hence corrupted by sin, they nonetheless exist by God's creative plan. The significance of these differences can be seen in how society today is trying to minimize them, or even to eliminate them altogether. For example, there is very little difference today in the appearances of men and women. Clothes are unisex, the jewelry that one gender wears is being worn by the other, there is little difference in the length or style of hair. As much as possible society tries to negate the anatomical differences between the genders, even to the extent that if someone does not like the gender they are born with, with a simple operation, they can have the other, and without too much of a social stigma attached. Radical feminism wants an exact equality of opportunity within vocations, believing that any differentiation is a sign of superiority. I believe it is a sign of our Creator's wisdom. Husband and wife complain, "She doesn't think the same way I do," or "He doesn't feel the same things I do". We see these as those things which divide relationships when God has designed them to perfect relationships. Once Eve was created, with all her differences from Adam, only then did God say, "it was very good". A help that will truly be a help that is fitting, is one who will be different.
The Providence of God
If David Letterman had a top 10 list of biblical ways to acquire a wife, the list might look like the following:
#10- Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her \tab \tab head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. (Deut. 21:11-13)
#9- Find a woman with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. (Exodus 2:16-21)
#8- Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. (Judges 21:19-25)
#7- Purchase a piece of property and get a woman as part of the deal. (Ruth 4:5-10)
#6- Agree to work 7 years in exchange for a woman's hand in \tab \tab \tab marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman and try the process again. (Genesis 29:15-30)
#5- Go to sleep. When you wake up, voila! (Genesis 2:19-24)
#4- Become an emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Esther 2:3-4)
#3- When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a women, get her for me". (Judges 14:1-3)
#2- Wait for your married brother to die. (Genesis 38:8)
#1- Don't be so picky, make up for quality with quantity. (1 Kings 11:1-3)
While all the ways above are found in the Bible, they may not necessarily be biblical ways of acquiring a wife. Some of these marriages were entered with all the wrong motivation, and consequently brought severe problems with them that, could have, and should have been avoided. In that God created a help that was perfectly fitting to Adam, and since no two human beings are identical, then there is a necessity of finding which help will be the perfect fit for each individual. While there may be more than one right match for every man and woman (although that is debatable), it certainly is not true than just anyone will do. And if there is a "perfect one" for each person who marries, there is a question that needs to be answered as to how to find and know you have found the one with whom you will spend the rest of your life in marriage. Fortunately, in the same way that God did not end His involvement in the uniting of Adam and Eve with the creation of Eve, so He too continues to be involved in uniting those whom He wills to be husband and wife. In Genesis 2:22, there is a phrase at the end of the verse which is instructive to our study. It reads, "...and brought her unto the man." I guess it was possible for God to have created a number of women and then say to Adam, "Take your pick", but he created but one woman and sovereignly brought her to him. I contend that God is still sovereign today in bringing couples together in marriage and that it is necessary for those desiring to enter marriage to determine God's leading in this matter. Evidence of this can be found in Jesus' statement in Matthew 19:6 where He says, "...whom God hath joined together...", indicating that the couple is not alone in their decision to marry.
When a couple comes to me for premarital counseling, one of the first questions that I ask them is why they want to marry each other. The usual response is that they love each other. I always respond that when I was young, I had a pet dog that I really loved, but I never thought of marrying that dog. If they don't go running out of my office at this point, I ask them a second question: "Is love a sufficient or necessary basis for marriage?" My study of the Scriptures puts me at odds with our modern conception of the basis of marriage and its emphasis on love (whatever that may be defined as). Throughout the Scriptures, we see God sovereignly working to bring together those whom He would unite in marriage. A classic illustration of this, is the story of Abraham's servant seeking a bride for Isaac found in Genesis 24. From the outset, we see that there were two conditions that Abraham had determined were necessary to be met in order to select the right woman for his son. The first was that the woman could not be from the Canaanites, the people of the land where he resided. The Canaanites were ungodly people who would one day be dispossessed of the land. In that Abraham and Isaac were followers of God, it was necessary that the woman that Isaac would marry would be able to complement his faith. It is totally contrary to the will of God for a believer in Jesus Christ to marry an unbeliever. 2 Corinthians 6:14 makes it perfectly clear that any binding union between a Christian and an unsaved person is not according to God's will. No matter how much a Christian may love an unsaved person, it is not God's will that they marry while there remains an unequal yoke of faith.
The second condition that Abraham required of his servant was that he would find a woman who would be willing to come back to where Abraham and Isaac resided. The will of God had been unmistakably revealed to Abraham, that he and his descendants would one day inherit the land. In the meantime they were to occupy it. If the wife of Isaac would be unwilling to return to Palestine, then the will of God could not be accomplished in Isaac's life. If the wife could not complement him in the area of accomplishing God's will, then she would not be a help meet for him, no matter how attracted they might be to each other. Having agreed to these two important conditions, the servant set out in search of the right woman. Realizing the importance of his task, the servant prayed, and asked the Lord to reveal in a recognizable way, who would fulfill the requirements of his master Abraham, and be suitable for Isaac. In essence, he asked the Lord to bring the woman to him as he did with Eve for Adam. When all the conditions were met by Rebekah, only then did he seek to bring her to Isaac. It is important to note that Isaac was willing to receive Rebekah as his bride, sight unseen, knowing that the servant would only choose one who was in the will of God for him. Isaac did not marry Rebekah because of a great love for her, he married her because of a great love for and trust in God. He was confident that God would sovereignly bring the right person into his life that he could then love. It is interesting to add that this is exactly what happened. The story concludes in verse 67 that Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother's tent and she became his wife, then he loved her. His love for her did not come until after they were married.
The majority of Christian couples would testify that their love for their spouse has grown over the time they have been married. I know personally, that my love for my wife is exponentially greater today than when I married her. I can also say that the day I married her I honestly loved her with all my heart. In comparing my love for her then, with my love for her today, it seems as if I really didn't love her at all. Most marriages that fail today, do so with a common complaint- "We don't love each other any more". Later I will examine that statement in the light of 1 Corinthians 13. For the present though, let's consider the validity of that statement as that which would justify divorce. If the basis of the marriage relationship is love between two individuals, then a lack of love might justify division. But if love is not the basis, but the sovereign will of God is, then a lack of love is not grounds for division. In that God brought Eve to Adam and Rebekah to Isaac, and not love, then of necessity, it can only be the sovereign will of God that separates them.
The Unity Of God
Once God had brought Adam and Eve together, He did not allow them to simply cohabitate. Adam and Eve were not to become "significant others" but husband and wife. In that God joined them together, as Jesus affirms in Matthew 19:6, there was to be an organic unity between them. This unity is a foundational principle that is vital to our understanding of the permanence or dissolubility of the marriage relationship. What did Moses mean when he recorded, "and they shall be one flesh"? Some have sought to understand this phrase by equating it with the act of sexual intercourse. While sexual intercourse manifests this one flesh relationship, it does not comprehend it. It is not until Genesis 4:1 that we read that "Adam knew his wife..." (the use of the word "knew" is most appropriate as it describes the most intimate of relationships). While it can not be insisted upon with absolute certainty, it seems reasonable that since this is the first record of intercourse between husband and wife, it probably was also the first actual occurrence of it. If so, some time has transpired since their coming together on the 6th day of creation. Yet, the one flesh relationship existed without this physical union from their first day. Therefore there is more involved to a one flesh relationship than just physical intimacy. The Hebrew word that is translated "one" is the word echad. Its most significant usage is in Deuteronomy 6:4, where Moses records, "Hear O Israel: the Lord our God is one Lord." We know from the teaching of the whole of Scripture that there exists a multiplicity of persons, 3 to be exact, within the Godhead. We refer to this as the Trinity or the triunity of God. The Trinity is one God in three distinct persons: Father, Son, & Holy Spirit. The Father is not the Son, nor the Son the Holy Spirit, but all Three are of the same essence, while remaining distinct in personality. These Three are bound in an indissoluble union called God.
In all the activities of God, the unity of the Godhead is at work. For example, in the beginning God (the Father) created the heavens and the earth. John 1:3 states that all things were made by Jesus Christ. And Genesis 1:4 states that the Holy Spirit moved over the face of the waters. All three persons of the Godhead individually and corporately created the world. One of the attributes of God is His immutability. God never changes. While the operation of God may change over time (Old Testament sacrifices are not required of New Testament believers) the nature or character of God can not change. For God to change, of necessity, He could no longer exist as God. In that He is infinitely perfect in all His attributes, any change would render Him less than perfect and consequently, less than God. It is therefore impossible that the triunity of God could be changed or ended by division.
Another example of the oneness of unity among more than one person is found in the composition of the Church, the Body of Christ. The apostle Paul defined this unity in Romans 12:5 with the words, "So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members of one another". In this unity of one body, Paul declares that there are differences of offices and/or gifts among its members. These differences are necessary to the proper functioning of the body (cf. 1 Cor. 12:12-22). Yet, while there remains a distinction of the body's members, there exists a unity of one body. There will never be two bodies of Christ. While there may be organizational differences that limit the fellowship of the church on earth, there is nonetheless an indivisible unity among all truly saved persons, regardless of denominational affiliation. Not only does an indivisible unity exist within the Church and the Godhead, but there exists and unchangeable unity of purpose, motivation and direction in each. The purpose of God is the same today as in eternity past and in eternity future, that is, to display His glory. The Church exists as a vessel through which that glory is displayed as it accomplishes the will of God. While the members have different gifts and offices, the exercise of each is for God's glory.
In applying these descriptions of the unity that exists within the Godhead and in the Church to the marriage relationship, we define a marital one flesh relationship as thus: a joining together of man and woman with individual and distinct personalities and abilities, which produces an indivisible and unchanging relationship, whose intent is to accomplish the will of God as a unified whole, while maintaining their distinct personalities. When marriages fail, it is ultimately that the purpose on which the marriage relationship should be founded, has been lost or changed. When the individuals of a marriage forget that the purpose of marriage is that two come together as one for the purpose of an increased efficiency of accomplishing the will of God, then marriages fail. Either the couples have changed their purpose, or they forget that their unity is what effects the accomplishment of God's will. In either case, they violate the creational purpose of unity in dividing the marriage relationship.